Mixed Rivalry
by Invader Sachi
Summary: An Irken temporarily allied with a human. Two rivaled Irkens. And an Irken agianst a human. A catastrophe just waiting to happen. Thankfully, no romance.. please review!
1. 1: Flaming Gnomes

**Notes: Okay, "Fiction Fans" ... I know it's not too detailed, this is my first story... first chapter. ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... dot dot dot ... ... ... ... ... ... ... Review, please!**

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"Gwahahahahahaaaaa!" The insane robot came bursting through the base's front door, which was licensed with the suspicious "Men" restroom sign. The robot flailed his doggie- disguised limbs. Then stopped and stared at a passive Irken invader._ Stand your ground soldier_, Zim ordered himself_, do not lessen your superior pride by taking __**Gir**__, of all things seriously_. Gir kept staring, then shed his dog suit, revealing a more alien- like appearance. With a small, stitched- looking mouth, anyone would be surprised how much sound can come out of it. The small mouth erupted without warning and screeched , "The gnomes are on FIRE!!!!" 

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Dib was making his normal rounds like he always does. (Stopping and staring at Zim's house. Spending hours taking notes he hoped someone would see and appreciate someday) when he noticed (without any effort) that something interesting was actually happening at the small invader's sorry excuse for a house. His "guard gnomes" were in flames!

He whipped out his notebook, in a certain way he had practiced for hours. He wasn't sure WHY he put so much effort into pulling out a lame notebook, but when you're so obsessive, these things don't matter. While writing with his pen, he was rambling things aloud that were totally different.

"His defenses are DOWN!"... mumble mumble mumble...

"The time to strike is NOW!" ... ramble ramble ramble...

"I'll finally be appreciated as the genius I AM... monologue... monologue... "So close to proof...blah ...blah ...blah..."

When finally finished talking to himself. He stood and waited. Anticipation killing him. Waiting to see just how long it would take for Zim to even notice his defenses were now in flames, _even MORE __**STUFF**__ to rub in his face, _Dib's face turned smug. He couldn't wait.

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"Fire? **My **gnomes? Impossible!" Zim spat, "the computer would have warned me if-"

"Sir, a fire has been detected on borderline perimeters..." The computer mumbled. Zim growled, he hates being proved wrong.

"Where?" He questioned, "What's on fire?" The computer took a while to process the question, even longer to prepare an answer. Zim was beginning to become inpatient, and a sense of panic crept over him.

"COMPUTER!"

'_His biiiiig eyes pop out even MORE when he's maaaad...', _noted Gir.

"What? Oh... and by the way, the gnomes are on fire. I thought you'd notice by now." The computer's mellow voice echoed around the room.

"NOOoooooo!" Zim screeched, he immediately slapped on his wig, shoved his eye lenses into his skull, and then flung the large front door open.

He wasn't sure what he noticed first, Dib pointing and laughing, or the long rows of flaming torches that were supposed to be gnomes. Gir quickly joined his side, his robotic form smuggled in green, black, and a huge zipper.

"You! Dib! You did this!" The Irken was about ready to zap him, Earth witnesses or not.

"Hahaha..." Dib sighed and gathered himself, "Seriously" snicker.. "Zim, hahaha, it wasn't me. If ..haha.. you can believe it, I'd be laughing even more..snicker... right now." Zim grimaced back at the Dib creature. Then ordered,

"Gir! DOUSE THE GNOMES!!"

"Okay!!" Gir was probably dark red at this time, obeying orders is out of character for the usual light- blue robot. Gir hummed a senseless tune while he sprayed the towering flames with an odd substance that Dib had never seen before. He slipped a sample into his pocket... something to fill his over- obsessive mind for maybe a couple of days.

"Wait a second." Dib unglued his eyes from Gir, who was now sucking on one of his fake dog ears. "If-"

"Hey!" Zim interrupted the Dib, if **this **quesion was going to be asked, then HE was going to be the one to say it, "If it wasn't YOU", he sounded disgusted, "Then who did this?"

A dreadfully familiar voice rung out from seemingly nowhere, "I did, you filthy bags of MEAT."

All Zim could do was scream... and slam the door shut.

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**Notes... again: Yeah, yeah, I know... SHORT chapter. The font was bigger on the other computer :c **

**If you review my stories, I will review one of yours! Yay! -I'm so nice.**


	2. Short lived Victory

Zim slumped against the front door, breathing heavily. With his eyes twitching so much, his contact lenses were too irritating to wear. He ripped them out and threw them across the room.

"HOW?!" He screamed, "HOW is she still alive? I BLEW HER UP!" He kicked the bookshelf, knocking off the ceramic monkey that fell to the floor with an ear- splitting crash. The Irken was staring at the shattered figurine when a sudden pounding on the door suddenly captured his attention.

"You NEED to let me in, Zim!" Dib's voice made the Invader's eyes twitch more rapidly, "You can't get rid of her on your own. You're too much of a moron-"

"MORON?! You filthy pork-face-meat-human! Once I'm finished with… HER…" Zim spat the word, "I'm going to DESTROY you!"

Dib rolled his eyes at his rival's frequently- spoken threat. "Great," he muttered and started down Zim's front walkway slowly. Tak stood at the end. Her dark glare was focused on the house behind him. He cautiously eyed her; afraid the vengeful eyes would suddenly fall on him. His path started to shift towards the left, hoping to pass the Irken without being noticed, but she turned to him without warning. "YOU!" She screamed, "YOU HELPED him, didn't you?" Dib couldn't answer. "DIDN'T YOU?!" She repeated.

His eyes shifted in every possible direction before turning and taking off down the street. But he didn't go far.

"Mimi!" Tak ordered, pointing a finger at the flailing human. And in an instant, the SIR unit -disguised as a sleek black cat- disappeared. Mimi suddenly appeared in Dib's path, only two feet away from him. "Crap." Was all he spoke once he failed to stop in time. He fell onto his face, sprawled across the pavement.

Before Dib could open his eyes, he was being lifted from the ground. It ached to lift his head, so he peered over his nose to see two furious purple eyes glaring back at him. The claws that had a hold on his shirt collar tightened and he winced at the sharp pain digging into his neck.

"Now," Tak growled, "I'm going to destroy you." He's heard that nearly a hundred times before coming from Zim, but it struck fear in him hearing it from someone else… who was actually capable of it.

A huge force hit his whole body which, at first, he thought was Tak. Once hitting the pavement, (again) he noticed she was also sprawled out beside him. In the sky above him, he first saw a blur of purple, eyes focusing, he realized it was the Voot Cruiser, with one triumphant Invader in the cockpit.

He eyed the other victim to his left, just in time to see her fade away, using one of the features she had programed into her PAK.

"Great," he could hear the other Irken scream, "she essccaappped!" He dramatized the last word of his sentence. The shines in Zim's eyes shifted onto Dib. "Hmm…" the human survived, he spoke to Gir, "what to do with him, now?"

_'Out of ammo,'_ Dib guessed in his head, he was thankful for that. He watched Zim tug at his antennas in thought. Finally he came to a conclusion.

"Dib creature," he said through his ship's speaker. He didn't need to use it, however, since his voice was so loud… you could clearly hear him speaking without it. The speakers simply amplified it, making it unbearably too loud for a human's ears, "Tak is a serious threat to my mission," he continued, Dib covered his ears, "so I hope to dispose of her as soon as possible. Therefore, I have no time to fight with you. And," he cleared his throat, "I SUPPOSE it would be more beneficial if we formed… an alliance." Muttering the last word. Then he raised an invisible eyebrow, waiting for a reply.

Dib got to his feet, flexing his now-sore muscles, and shrugged. "Fine, I guess. Earth is probably in jeopardy again, too." Zim didn't answer in words or facial expressions. He just positioned the cruiser directly over Dib and opened his levitating beam.

Zim leered over his control panel and operated the many touch- screens. Punching in the final set of buttons, he turned and hopped out of the pilot seat. Tapping his feet, he waited for the human to enter the cruiser. The black portion of his hair first appeared…Zim's feet tapped faster with impatience, knowing it would take forever for his "big head" to fit through the hole. Huge classes eventually came into view, after his large forehead had finally passed. As soon as his mouth appeared, it was open and jabbering. "WOW! I wish I had my camera." Zim grimaced. This was a terrible idea. _'Whatever', _he mentally shrugged, '_I'm going to destroy him afterwards'. _

The Irken hopped into his chair once more. He heard the door close behind him, aware that meant Dib had successfully entered the Voot Cruiser. But he hoped he didn't, a very quiet maniacal laugh rumbled deep in his throat; imagining the doors closing on the human's legs.

"What are you laughing about?" Zim cringed at the annoying voice that was suddenly behind him. The Irken didn't answer.

Dib watched the invader become very still, refusing to reply. He cleared his throat. "Well… anyway," he continued, "We need to go to my house, first-"

"WHY?" Zim interrupted. Annoyed AND very impatient with Dib.

"Well," Dib said with a sharp tone, annoyed with the loss of connection… not necessarily his enemy, "because Tak's going to want her ship back. I'm guessing it's best if it has more security." Zim sat bolt upright with sudden realization.

"You have Tak's ship! We must reach it before SHE does!" He screamed, "It's a good thing **I **remembered! See, Dib? Marvel at my superiority!" Okay, now Dib WAS annoyed with the invader.

Before Dib could protest, he was thrown against the back of the cruiser. Zim had it in full speed acceleration. Something that was hard and made of metal hit him in the head. I high pitched scream erupted from it. He forgot Gir was also aboard, and was amazed he managed to stay silent for that long.

The ship came to a sudden stop. Dib and Gir slid off the wall and hit the floor.

Zim peeled himself from the control panel, the sudden stop and thrown him into the front of cruiser. "Where… do you… keep…Tak's ship?" He weakly asked, his PAK sent electric currents through his body, mending his many broken bones. Dib quit watching in amazement and muttered, "in the garage."

"What on Irk is a gar- age?" Zim raised an invisible eyebrow once more. Dib sighed and walked forward wincing once he realized how many injuries he had accumulated in the past ten minutes. He weakly pointed down to the square part of his house that was underneath the ship. "It's right there, you moron."

"I er…" the invader struggled to maintain his ego, "knew that." He muttered. Dib rolled his eyes as the cruiser descended until it was level with the garage door. A large mechanical claw unfolded from the bottom of the ship. Zim fitted a wired glove onto his claws and flexed it a bit. The claw through the window mimicked the irken's hand exactly. Dib watched, trying to hide his intrigue. _'Wow,' _he thought. No matter how often he's seen the technology of the irken race, he was still amazed by it.

Zim's face turned smug. He was thoroughly enjoying this. He raised his wired claw into the air, held it for a second, then ruthlessly tore it through the air. The metal claw imitated it, only a split second delayed. It tore through the garage door, revealing Tak's ship. It still had fabric draped over it, a pitiful attempt of hiding it from his father.

"She hasn't found it yet," Dib breathed with relief. Zim ignored him, stretched his claws as large as he could get them, and reached forward. He found a portion of the other cruiser that the claw could get a good grip on. Zim successfully wrapped the claw around it, put it on lock, and positioned it underneath them.

"Okay…" the invader muttered, dialing in another set of buttons. Dib knew what was coming next, he desperately looked around him, searching for something to hold onto. He found nothing, but caught a glimpse of Gir sprawled on the floor sucking on his thumb. '_That's why he's so quiet,'_ was the last thing he thought before he was once more thrown to the back of the cruiser.

Gir came screaming towards him; he had also failed to find something to hold onto. This time, the robot hit him in the stomach, directly under his diaphragm. It knocked the wind out of him, and he struggled to gasp in more air. But Gir was firmly pressed against him, not allowing his lungs to expand. Thankfully, the Voot cruiser came to a halt.

Gir fell to the floor first, Dib landing on top of him; knocking the last bit of air out of him. He rolled onto his back and gasped in a gulp of air. "Ow," he spoke once he could.

Zim lowered the cruisers gently into his base, parking them successfully in the "basement." He hopped out of his seat and thrust his fists into the air, "Victory for ZIM!"

Dib rolled his eyes. He knew they were far, far from victory.


End file.
